More than 90-kg of guts: Why I finally wore that bikini

I only wanted two things in life -- a hot bikini body and a plate full of fish curry and white rice with potato wedges on the sides. I understand these two don't always go together. But is a fantasy really a fantasy if it’s not a little bit impossible? Interestingly, I am living my fantasy now. I finally got my "bikini body." Yayy!!

The realization didn't come when I was a specific size, it came on a Sunday morning. It was my designated day for a weight check-in with my dietitian. I stepped onto the scale and saw the needle point to 91 kg. I was shocked—not because I am 90-plus kg, but because I secretly caught myself being okay with it. That was the moment I decided to wear a bikini—something that had been eluding me for years; years I had spent counting my worth on a weighing scale rather than a calendar.

I went to the beach party wearing a black bikini (because I thought black would make me look "less fat"—I was still struggling). I thought the "damage" of stepping out in a bikini was done, so I might as well enjoy the day.

But then, the shift happened. I realized that what you see in the eyes of others is simply a reflection of the image you have created of yourself. As long as I was overly conscious of my body, I only saw judgmental looks. But that Sunday, I saw admiration. I was more than a 90kg woman in a bikini, I was an inspiration. I saw what I wanted to see: appreciation for my courage and confidence. I even received the most beautiful comment from a very old lady nearby. She said, “Never let this belly go away. I know there is a hidden treasure inside it—it’s called guts. You look beautiful, my girl.”

The Clinical Perspective: Overcoming Weight Anxiety and Fear of Judgment

This is a pattern I see often in my practice. A severe fear of judgment or intense weight anxiety is often a hypnotic anchor rooted in early experiences and negative subconscious mind programming. We tell ourselves we aren't "enough" to enjoy our own lives, perpetually waiting for a "perfect" moment that never arrives because the goalpost keeps moving.

When we constantly tie our self-worth to a number, it feeds into core signs of low self-esteem and creates a state of chronic emotional depletion.

Rewriting the Body Image Narrative with Hypnotherapy

As a clinical hypnotherapist, I help clients rewrite the inner narrative that keeps them from living fully. Through subconscious mind reprogramming, we can:

• Identify the root causes of body dissatisfaction and food guilt.

• Mute the internal critic that dictates your personal confidence based on societal projections.

• Build healthy psychological boundaries so external opinions stop controlling your self-worth.

If you have an inner critic stopping you from living fully or enjoying your own "beach moments," let’s talk. You don't have to wait for the scale to change your life.

[Book your consultation at www.hypnosishealing.in]